Tuesday, December 26, 2006

B-Fest Update No. 3

I skipped a week ‘cause I felt like it. No point in dwelling on it now. We best plow forward with...


...And gentlemen, do we have some news to report. Let’s get to it.

-First and kind of important-like, my father responded with a mildly cautious “yeah, take it” when asked to borrow his car for this year’s trek. If you can remember all the way back to B-Fest 06, that’s the car we took. It’s the car we’ll take for B-Fest 2007, if that suits. We have wheels.

-Britt Wylie, one of my favorite lesbians in the world, has offered us five free tickets to the Shedd Aquarium if we’re still keen on going during the Friday morning of the fest. That’s us and two BMMB’ers who might be interested. Chad, if you want to inquire on the board or through your master web of BMMB contacts, that would be great. The aquarium is right along Lakeshore Road (or is it Lakeside Drive, or some other variant?) right along the way to Evanston. In other words, at worst we’re looking at “moderately lost” instead of “holy shot, let’s pay a cabbie to get us out of here” lost.

-Wyatt has the BHODMAS logo and has included it on the B-Fest program. He thinks the logo is “cool.” Or that receiving the logo was “cool.” He was a little unclear, but either way, something is “cool” which is good enough for me. He’s yet to receive the sponsorship papers I sent two weeks before Christmas, but that’s nothing to worry about just yet as the deadline is Jan. 15 if memory serves. If he hasn’t gotten them by Jan. 10 or so, we’ll start to get a little anxious.

-I got a portable DVD player for Christmas to get us from GI to Omaha where Matt can take over with his really big portable DVD player.

Now, onto the “musts” and “probably shoulds” of the week.
-Any plans to meet up with the BMMB the Thursday before the fest?
-We probably should think about some sort of skit for our movie. The one idea I had was creating some sort of sign that reads “KICKS” so whenever the teenage ne’er do well hot rodders do something bad so they can get their “KICKS” we can hold up a sign reading “KICKS.” It’s an idea that might need a little refining.
-Tell me, is it wrong I’ve already started planning my junk food menu for this year’s fest based on previous experiences in complete nutritional breakdown?

That’s all for this week. We’re getting closer. Personally, I love having the fest to look forward to after Christmas peters out. In fact, I might actually plan more for B-Fest than I do for Christmas. There’s help out there, and someday I’ll seek it out.

Number of NoDOZ capsules recommended in a 24-hour period: 4
Number I took last year in a 24-hour period: 6
Time it took me to get to sleep after dinner that night: 2
Different types of cheese likely to make it’s way into my “Fest Food” this year: 3
What Wyatt thinks of our logo: “Cool”

B-Fest Update No. 2

You’re reading B-Fest Update Number 2 with your stupid minds...stupid...STUPID

Here’s the good news. As of this writing, we’re all still alive, despite Chad’s best efforts to the contrary. The bad news, as I understand, is the phrase “the more the merrier” doesn’t apply this year, as Nekked Bill’s wife won’t let him join us.

Here are some other updates:
-Preliminary reports suggest my father is open to the idea of letting us use his car, but has yet to confirm, pending scheduling issues
-Through internal negotiations, Chad and I have agreed NOT to rent a monkey suit here in GI for the trip, hoping a)Godzilla versus King Kong will actually play and 2) whoever brought the monkey suit last year will bring it again and 3) I’m still willing after 20 hours of crap to get into the damn thing.
-Snakes on a Plane comes out on video Jan. 2. I call that required viewing on the way down.
-As an activity on the Friday morning before the fest, I nominate the Shedd Aquarium where my second favorite lesbian in the whole world works the front desk. It’s right along Lake Shore drive, has plenty of parking and pretty widdle fiddies all over da pool.
-The latest from Wyatt circa Monday:


I actually got the contracts signed off on today, so I will be putting
them in the mail tomorrow. Once you get them, sign both copies, then mail
one back to me; you keep the other one. Once I have the signed contract, I
will confirm you as a sponsor for the film.

In the meantime, if you have any logos you'd like to see on the program
guide, please send them to me and I will be sure they get included.

Thanks for your sponsorship!


Given my history with B-Fest and the mail we should have the contracts by sometime in February. Seriously, I’ll be on it like fart jokes in a Troma movie.

‘Till next week.

B-Fest Update No. 1


You guys like the number 8? Is 8 a good number? It’s half of 16 which is 4 squared. It’s the age I was when I got suspended for a day for flipping off the bus driver while wearing a plastic Freddy Kruger glove (true story). If you type 8 into Google you get a bunch of business development sites. It’s the number of hours of sleep you’ll be sacrificing come B-FEST! Oh, and it’s the number of B-Fest Updates I feel like writing this year. So let’s go with it.

WHERE WE ARE – It’s my pleasure to forward this e-mail I received today:

Hey Mike

I got your sponsorship check today. There's still no sign of the first one
- I don't know what could have happened to it. If it comes in, I'll be
sure to shred it.

I'll be submitting your contracts to our advisor on Monday. Because we are
currently on Holiday break, there's a chance the contract won't be ready
until the New Year. Either way, I'll be sure to let you know when I send
it out.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.


Wyatt, of course, is Wyatt Olstadt, aka Tor of B-Fest.com. He’s been patient, kind and understanding as the first check mysteriously disappeared in the mail and Sarah and I had to pay a $24 fee to cancel the fucking thing. But it’s taken care of, it’s done, the money is in the right hands. We’re sponsoring “Hot Rods to Hell.” Yay us.
To me, that sounds like we’re in like Flynn (which is a phrase popularized by Errol Flynn for his propensity to get into things like trouble, lawsuits and 14-year-old girls, but I digress). That’s two “free” tickets for sponsoring the film and another one reserved, which I will pay for unless either of you two gentleman of letters object.

Here is a list, as I see it, of what we need to do between now and Jan. 25, when we leave at the ass crack of dawn:

-Create an overhead for the Black Hole of Des Moines Appreciation Society
-Settle on a tag line (I like “what happens in the hole stays in the hole...forever!)
-Secure a car. I will be asking my father over the holidays if we can use his, if not we’ll go to plans B, C, and D which don’t yet exist.
-Continue to consume oxygen
-Keep abreast of plans with the rest of the BMMB. I like those guys. And girl. There was a girl in there, right? It wasn’t that big a sausage-fest, right?

Whew. There’s a list. Now here are the things me might consider doing between now and then:
-Create a skit for Hot Rods to Hell
-View Hot Rods to Hell and pre-write apologies if necessary
-Have a big gooey slice of peanut butter pie
-Talk about other skits. We could get ambitious and do something for Plan 9 or Street Trash or whatever. I think it would be fun to prepare a bit this year, but I’m at a disadvantage as I’ve only seen three of the movies on this year’s list.
-Create a list of viewing choices for there and back again.
-Implement the ideas put forth by the Iraq Study Group.

As you can guess, I’m stoked. So let the brains roll, let the synapses fire, let the voice of freedom spread out through this land...THIS IS OUR COUNTRY!!! Oh shit. Sorry.

B-Fest helps me take my goal of loving high art with a low brow, and just getting rid of that entire “high art” part.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Whaddaya Think Gentlemen?

How's this for our logo to run on the B-Fest Program for Sponsors? Ya know, inside the first page?

I also got an idea for the transparency.

Suggestions? Anybody got any other ideas?